User talk:Taylorfranks14/sandbox
Draft Feedback
Taylorfranks14 -- I'll be emailing you feedback. Transunicorn (talk) 16:31, 24 October 2015 (UTC)
Taylorfranks14. I emailed my edits to Liam because I used track changes on Word. Email me if you do not get my comments from him. Mmire9 (talk) 13:14, 27 October 2015 (UTC)
Taylorfranks14 --- Your article was very intersting!! But here are a few corrections: Feminist responses in Hot Girls Wanted-- “un-baised” → unbiased//
Anti-pornography feminist views-- 2nd sentence: “woman” → women/ “In Hot Girls Wanted, issues of objectification and exploitation of the young women filmed, cause internal battles in the minds of women.”/ Drives→ drive/ Tressa Silguero and Rachel Bernard, two of the main characters in Hot Girls Wanted, reflect back on their sexual experiences claiming they have been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused. They recall being treated as objects. These actions are excused by claiming they are “working”./ Delete “such” (last sentence)/ Delete “<” symbol/ Delete 2nd comma in first sentence or second paragraph/ “…is detrimental to the development of young girls. Media Education Foundation claims that women are developing their identities and understanding themselves as sexual beings.”/ Viewers→ The audience/ 3rd sentence change woman to women/ last sentence, last paragraph change “because” to “since”/
Sex-positive feminist views-- Change “attack” to analyze/ These girls enjoy the industry along with receiving the benefits of attention and monetary gain.