User talk:JurassicDad35
| This user is a student editor in Western_Washington_University/History_of_Ancient_Greece_(Spring_2024) . |
Welcome!
Hello, JurassicDad35, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 23:56, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
I have left you a peer review.
I have left you a peer review. I will post it here as well.
General info
- Whose work are you reviewing?
JurassicDad35
- Link to draft you're reviewing
- User:JurassicDad35/Demaratus
- Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
- Demaratus
Evaluate the drafted changes
Hello, JurassicDad35
Good job on your current draft. I think the additions you have are mostly good. I do have a few suggestions. I have listed them in three parts.
An image of Demaratus would be a nice addition. There is a picture of the location where he ruled, however, a portrait of Demaratus at the beginning of the article is important. You should be able to find one through the wikipedia commons or the public domain.
The references you have used are good. The original article is lacking in references for some of its claims, though. You could add sources to validate the claims. For example, I would add a source for "After the deposition of Demaratus, Cleomenes visited the island of Aegina for a second time. Accompanied by his new colleague, Leotychides, he seized ten of the leading citizens and deposited them at Athens as hostages".
"Like all spartan males, Demaratus would have undergone the rigorous agoge system from a young age. The agoge was a state-sponsored education and training regime designed to cultivate discipline, endurance, and military prowess. This system not only trained boys to become skilled warriors but also instilled the values of loyalty, austerity, and camaraderie that were integral to Spartan society.[4]"
The first sentence implies that you are unsure and assume that Demaratus was in the agoge system. I would change "would have undergone" to simply "underwent". I do not think the explanation of the agoge system is necessary if you hyperlink the topic unless you wish to connect what he learned in the agoge system to something.
There is currently no mention of his death in the article or in your draft. I would add a section at the bottom with whatever information is known about his death, as well as mentioning who his successor was. If you mention his successor, you could then also write if the successor had notable differences from Demaratus or if he was similar.
Good work so far and good luck on your future editing! CrimsonKingsCourt (talk) 03:48, 26 May 2024 (UTC)