User talk:Gardenerlynn/Cornucopia Institute

Initial Feedback

I'm glad I was able to help by getting at least a stub page into wikipedia as a starting point. My personal feelings toward the institute are not strong, but I felt it was important for the page to exist. I was originally curious about the institute, and would love for this page to eventually address the common criticism that it is merely a front group for pro-meat/anti-soy interests.

Here is my initial feedback, guessing at what the wikimods might say:

• The "thought to" phrase at the end of the first paragraph probably needs a citation. (Who thinks...?)
• The word "dubious" probably needs to be backed up.
• You should linkify references to other wiki articles where possible, like I did in the existing article.
• There are a lot of parenthesized endings to sentences. You might want to rewrite it a bit to have fewer.
• I assume the institute is against returning almonds to the marketplace. It currently sounds opposite.
• "one of the leading groups" probably needs a citation.
• There are several places where the sentences are not crisply written. It's a style issue, so not sure how critical, but an editor with strong English skills should probably tweak it in many places.
• Overall, it comes across as more of a "we're great, here is what we are doing", instead of an objective "here are the things they are doing, for better or worse." The "alleges" paragraph with citation #6 is a good example of this problem. It's not important (or appropriate) to list every single thing the organization has done. People can go to the web site to find out. Only particularly important or notable details should be included.
• I kind of lost interest at this point. I would recommend cutting half or more of the material out of the article.

Kevinbsmith (talk) 19:18, 9 November 2010 (UTC)