User talk:Bennytheslp
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Hello, Bennytheslp, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:10, 12 September 2016 (UTC)
Peer Review of Your Sandbox
Hi Ben, I have reviewed your sandbox draft for the section "Causes" of the article "Laryngitis". First of all, I think it is really great that you have linked to a number of other articles. I personally am unfamiliar with most of the terms you chose to create links for, and feel you did a great job at identifying these uncommon terms. You could also link to terms like "polyps", "nodules", "mycobacterial", "syphilitic", and "sarcoidosis". The links will help interested readers seek more information on these topics. This is one area I would like to improve in my own draft! Second, your section is well-organized with respect to types of causes. I feel your draft could be most improved by using Wikipedia's section function to create official subheadings (perhaps you had already planned to do this when moving it into the main article). Not only will this allow your section to resemble other Wikipedia articles, but it will create links in the "Contents" box that will allow readers to skip directly to the sections that interest them most. Third, you used a number of sources, which allows for a balanced, neutral article. Your claims are also well-cited. I would recommend double-checking that each claim has a corresponding citation (two places I noticed a lack of citation were the last sentence of the "Trauma" subsection and the "Other causes" subsection). Lastly, I would suggest a couple minor edits: use full sentences in the "Fungal" subsection to make sure it flows; double check the second sentence of your draft - does inflammation result in an inability to vibrate normally? Overall, I learned a lot from your article. I think that with these minor changes, you will have a really strong draft. Great job! --JaymieSLP (talk) 00:09, 25 October 2016 (UTC)
Peer Review of Your Sandbox #2
Hello Ben! I really enjoyed reading your sandbox draft for the Laryngitis Wikipedia article. You have done some great research related to your topic. I was really please to see that most of your statements are backed up with citations from multiple sources to allow for a balance of perspectives on the subject. There were a few sentences that I would suggest adding a citation for (see below for specific sentences). If possible, I would also recommend finding more sources that verify your statements, in addition to the Wood et al. (2014) review, to further vary the perspectives weighing in on the information presented. I really liked how simple you kept your statements. You did not elaborate when it wasn't necessary; rather, you linked your reader to other Wikipedia articles that could provide them with further details about each concept. I will definitely link to other Wikipedia articles in my own draft after reading your's. I wonder though, whether each cause results in the same physiological effects on the vocal folds? Perhaps this is too much detail for your reader, but I am a little curious about that! I thought another strength of your draft was the thought you put into the organization. You included headings and subheadings which will certainly help your reader understand the multitude of causes for laryngitis. I noticed a few very minor edits, which I have listed below. Well done on your first draft, Ben!
Add citations: (Viral) "In patients who have a compromised immune system, other viruses such as herpes, HIV and coxsackievirus may also be potential causes." (Trauma) "Laryngeal trauma, including iatrogenic (caused by endotracheal intubation), can also result in inflammation of the vocal cords."
Minor edits: "The resulting inflammation of the vocal folds results in an ability for them to vibrate normally." - inability? "One possible explanation of chronic laryngitis is is that inflammation is caused by gastro-oesophageal reflux which causes subsequent irritation of the vocal folds." - the word "is" has been included twice D3ini (talk) 03:05, 26 October 2016 (UTC)
A barnstar for you!
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The Original Barnstar |
| Constructive and detailed review; nice draft of the article. SCSD639 (talk) 17:31, 31 October 2016 (UTC) |
A barnstar for you!
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The Original Barnstar |
| Constructive and detailed review; nice draft of the article. SCSD639 (talk) 17:59, 31 October 2016 (UTC) |
Thanks @D3ini and @JaymieSLP, I've incorporated your guys' suggestions and really appreciate your feedback.
Bennytheslp (talk) 19:32, 7 November 2016 (UTC)