User:Peregrine Fisher/ALFA2Archive

From WikiProjectMed
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 21:14, 16 September 2010 [1].

Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

Toolbox
Nominator(s): Peregrine Fisher (talk) 15:47, 14 September 2010 (UTC)

I"m nominating this because I think it meets the FA criteria. The is a co-nom with User:Carmarg4. It's been over a year in the making, with a big push in the last couple months. Also, it's a WP:VITAL article. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 15:47, 14 September 2010 (UTC)

Comment. No problems with dablinks or deadlinks. PL290 (talk) 16:00, 14 September 2010 (UTC)

Is it too big?

Comment. Based on my calculation of readable prose, the article comes in at 81 kilobytes. This may or may not be a problem (see WP:SIZERULE) but it probably needs to be addressed. Tom (North Shoreman) (talk) 16:19, 14 September 2010 (UTC)

  • I think because of the status of Lincoln, it's OK to be extra big, but we'll see what others think. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 16:26, 14 September 2010 (UTC) It's the 989th largest article on WP, so people know. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 16:27, 14 September 2010 (UTC)
    • It's 68kb readable prose, using Dr.pda's script; if 54kb is okay for a battleship (North Carolina-class battleship), I think that's fine for such a famous figure. ;-) The large overall size comes from the amount of references, sources, and external links. Ed [talk] [majestic titan] 16:34, 14 September 2010 (UTC)
  • I read once that only Jesus Christ has had more books written about him than Abraham Lincoln. I know I have at least 20 books on Abe in my library. For such a personage, the length of the article should not be a problem. After giving it a quick review, if there is a demand to shorten it, a lot of the military stuff the generals did could be edited out. I say this as a Civil War nut and living historian with scores of books on the military aspects of the War. After all, the article is about Abe, not what the generals did. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 17:18, 14 September 2010 (UTC)

NikkiMaria's detailed comments

  • What a great resource that library can be if needed. And I agree it's not about the generals.Carmarg4 (talk) 18:37, 14 September 2010 (UTC)

Comments - very impressive work. Some things to be improved/addressed:

  • "Conducting the war effort" is a bit lengthy - suggest either splitting into 2+ sections or cutting some of the material
    • Section subdivided with new titles. Carmarg4 (talk) 18:55, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
  • The number of one- and two-sentence paragraphs should be slightly reduced
    • Good point. I dislike really short paras myself. I left a few for impact, but merged the rest. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 04:51, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
  • "To facilitate this, Lincoln exercised unprecedented war powers, granted under the Constitution, including the arrest and detention, without warrant, of suspected secessionists in the thousands" - suggest rewording for clarity
  • "Under his leadership, the Union took control of the border slave states at the start of the war, and tried repeatedly to capture the Confederate capital at Richmond; when one general failed, Lincoln tried another, until finally Grant succeeded in 1865" - repetitious use of "tried", and "Lincoln tried another" isn't the best phrasing anyways
  • "His Gettysburg Address became an iconic symbol of the nation's duty" - I'm not sure what you mean by that, could you clarify?
    • I'm not sure either. I changed it to summarize the section better. diff - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 05:13, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Be consistent in the use of U.S. vs US
  • "He had an older sister Sarah (Grigsby) who died while giving birth at a young age" - suggest rewording for flow and clarity
  • "Lincoln later noted that this move was "partly on account of slavery" but mainly to land title problems" - is there a word missing here?
  • "Soon afterward his father remarried to Sarah Bush Johnston with whom Lincoln became very close and referred to as "Mother"." - grammar
  • "But he became increasingly distant from his father. He regretted his father's lack of education, and was not inclined to a vocation of hard labor as was requisite to their frontier life; although, he willingly took on all chores expected of him as a male in the household, albeit young, tall and thin" - reword for clarity and flow
    • Fixed. Here's a diff for the last few (diff). It also includes a clarification on the Gettysburg Address sentence in the lead by the kindly User:Rjensen (thanks RJ). - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 05:56, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
  • "He was no committed laborer during his teen age years, with family and neighbors then referring to him often as lazy" - grammar
  • "consummating the engagement with Mr. L.." - is the double period present in the source?
  • "But see it through he did" - tone
  • "this eventually led Robert Lincoln to involuntarily commit her to a mental health asylum in 1875" - reword for clarity - the commitment was involuntary on her part, not his
    • I took out the word "involuntarily". I think it's implied when someone else commits you. I could be wrong. Diff for the last few.diff - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 06:17, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Since he was a politician for most of his life, shouldn't that be reflected in the "occupation" listing in the infobox?
  • Why do you repeat the same quote twice in the final paragraph of "Early career"? Use the full quote and omit the first instance, or combine the two. Also, don't include a space between punctuation and footnotes
  • "this, despite strong opposition to the idea from both sides of the issue and its considered unworkability" - grammar
  • "The party favored economic modernization, including banking" - didn't the US have banks before this? Or do you mean "in banking"?
    • It was "in banking". They wanted a national bank. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 17:30, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
  • "Congress never enacted the resolution or even debated it; it got no reaction from the executive, or in the papers nationally, and it resulted in a loss of political support for Lincoln in his district; one Illinois newspaper derisively nicknamed him "spotty Lincoln.".[59][60] [61]" - run-on sentence, fix punctuation
  • "the new and prolific railroad bridges" - the bridges were prolific?
  • "The idea was never commercialized, but Lincoln is the only President to hold a patent" - why is President capitalized? Also, it's not correct to say the idea was never commercialized, it just wasn't pursued by Lincoln
    • I left that one. According to his law partner, it was never used by anyone. That's pretty much all the refs says about it. Do you know of it being used later? - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 17:30, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Read through to check punctuation - there are a number of minor punctuation problems to be fixed
    • Done. See edits by Preslethe. Carmarg4 (talk) 00:50, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • MoS recommends against using all-caps for emphasis
  • "that sang his praises" - tone
  • "collaborative story code" - what does this mean?
    • deleted and edited - researched and no definition found - integrity of ref. intact Carmarg4 (talk) 17:48, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Consider splitting the nomination and election section from the main Presidency section
  • Why is "Term" capitalized in those section headings?
  • "At this convention, Lincoln's very loyal, though unorganized, campaign team emerged, in the persons of David Davis, Norman Judd, Leonard Swett, Jesse DuBois and others; and Lincoln received his first endorsement to run for the presidency" - grammar and clarity
  • "Lincoln's 1860 candidacy is held up by the slavery issue (slave on left) and party organization (New York Tribune editor Horace Greeley) on right." - make parentheses use consistent
  • "In terms of the actual balloting, Pennsylvania proved to be the linchpin" - explain further
  • "It did the leg work that produced majorities across the North. It produced tons" - repetition and tone
  • Is "Congress" or "the Congress" correct? You use both
    • I think "Congress" is correct, and that's what I changed it to. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 05:05, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • "En route to his inaugural" - his inaugural what? Do you mean his inauguration?
  • Still need some general copy-editing for clarity and flow
  • "bi-partisan" or "bipartisan"?
    • I wan't sure, but google news uses bipartisan, so that's what I went with. diffs - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 05:05, 16 September 2010 (UTC)

More to follow tomorrow. Nikkimaria (talk) 02:54, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

  • "Donald provides Lincoln's..." - who is Donald?
  • "In August 1861, Gen. John Fremont in Missouri created controversy, on the Republican side, when he issued, without consulting Lincoln, a proclamation of martial law in that entire state, declaring that any citizen found bearing arms could be court-martialed and shot and that slaves of persons aiding the rebellion would be freed" - split or reword sentence for flow
  • "To this dictatorial insubordination were added charges of ineptness, fraud and corruption" - do you mean legal charges, or just accusations?
    • It was actual charges. Not super relevant to Lincon's bio, so I explained a bit and added a wikilink. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 05:41, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • "boarded the British ship Trent; Union officers boarded the British vessel" - repetitious
  • "Trent Affair" or "Trent Affair"?
    • I don't know why, but RSs do it with italics on "Trent" and lower case on "affair", so that's what I did. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 05:41, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Double-check your capitalization of "Confederate" and related terms, as it's inconsistent at times
    • Oxford American says big C. (not fixed though-global edit needed) Carmarg4 (talk) 13:19, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • "drumbeat of complaints" - I'm not familiar with this phrase; does it mean lots of complaints, loud complaints, a sudden storm of complaints, steady complaints over a period of time...?
  • "War department" or "War Department"?
    • It's War Department. Carmarg4 (talk) 19:21, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • In one paragraph you say McClellan became general-in-chief, in the next you say he was passed over for general-in-chief - which is correct?
  • What is "the Rappahannock"? Perhaps a link or explanation for those of us unfamiliar with the term?
    • the Rappahannock River in VA. Fixed and link added. Carmarg4 (talk) 19:56, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • "reached a crescendo" - do you mean reached a peak? Reaching a crescendo means beginning a long but steady increase; given the context, that seems incorrect
  • Rosecran or Rosecrans?
    • Rosecrans - fixed. Carmarg4 (talk) 19:56, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • "The Commander in Chief was most dejected" - tone
  • "the writing was on the wall and he tendered his resignation" - clarify?
  • "Charleston harbor" -> "Charleston Harbor" or "the Charleston harbor" or "Charleston's harbor"?
    • It's Charleston harbor. Carmarg4 (talk) 20:16, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Make more frequent use of hyphens - see WP:HYPHEN
    • No problem. I'm a grad of H-SC and we play R-MC in football at the "Hyphen Bowl" each year. Carmarg4 (talk) 20:01, 16 September 2010 (UTC)

This is where we left off before the FAC was closed

  • "an explanation why the war with all its horrors had to continue" - reword for tone
  • "battle of Shiloh" -> "Battle of Shiloh"?
  • "The Confederacy was out of replacements" - wording
  • "backed Grant to the hilt" - what does this mean?
  • Double-check capitalization of titles, "South(ern)" and other sometimes-proper nouns
  • Are the Founders the same as the Founding Fathers?
  • "all persons held as a slaves" - typo present in original?
  • Avoid linking the same terms multiple times
  • What's your rationale for sometimes abbreviating military ranks and other times spelling them out?
    • There all spelled out now, I hope.
  • Be consistent in using black vs African American (except where quoting)
    • All black now, I hope.
  • The infobox states that Lincoln was a member of the Union Party in 1864, and a Republican only in 1865. What is the rationale for this distinction?
    • Another name for the RP, so I removed it.
  • Union Party or Union party?
    • "Party"
  • "And Frederick Douglas remarked..." - grammar
    • fixed.
  • "The only known photographs of Lincoln giving a speech were taken as he delivered his second inaugural address" - did he not speak at his first inauguration? Source for this statement?
    • I removed that commentary, since I don't have a source for it.- Peregrine Fisher (talk) 06:05, 18 September 2010 (UTC)
  • You jump from the appointments to the promotion of restoration of statehood to criticism of the appointments
  • Salmon Chase or Salmon P. Chase?
    • Fixed (Salmon P. Chase). Carmarg4 (talk) 19:41, 22 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Explain what "greenback" means in this context

More later. Nikkimaria (talk) 12:04, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

Ok. Yeah. Whoa. This is where the "FAC isn't PR" comes in. Do you think this article needs several thorough copy edits, Nikkimaria? --Moni3 (talk) 13:44, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
Yeah, sorry, I could go on like that for a while...definite copy-editing needed, and a check for consistency in all sorts of things, but I'd say it also needs some attention from a non-US reader (or at least someone who's not an expert on American history) to catch stuff that needs to be explained and clarified or reworded. I also noticed some sourcing concerns, most of which are covered by Ealdgyth below. Nikkimaria (talk) 14:39, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

Sourcing check. I'll do this, since it's based on our rules which I know already

  • Comments -
  • Current ref 37 (Shenk...) shouldn't The Atlantic be The Atlantic to match the rest of your refs?
    • Fixed.
  • Same for current ref 213 (North & South...)
    • Fixed.
  • What makes http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/richmond.htm a reliable high quality source?
    • Fixed.
  • Likewise http://www.mrlincolnswhitehouse.org/inside.asp?ID=9&subjectID=2?
  • Need a publisher for the Boritt Book in the bibliography
  • Please make sure you spell out University in the bibliography ... I noted the Edgar book is just "Univ.", which is inconsistent with the other refs. Same note for the Handy ref.
  • Most of your bibliography entries do not give place of publication, so you should remove it from those that do to make refs consistent.
    • Fixed.
  • Please spell out the abbreviation in the Holzer ref.
    • Fixed.
  • The 2009 McPherson needs a publisher
    • Fixed.
  • Please spell out the abbreviation in the Naveh ref
    • Ref seems to be gone in any case.
  • Need a publisher for the Zarefsky ref.
    • Fixed.
  • Personally, I'd prune some of the external links - the Lincoln memorial website's a better link for the Lincoln Memorial article, you use the Lincoln Institute as a ref, so if it passes scrutiny, it should not be in the external links, Likewise you use the Lincoln Boyhood home and the Lincoln home websites, so they shouldn't be in the external links, and a link to the Project Gutenburg main search page is enough, don't need to list all the (outdated) works.
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:21, 15 September 2010 (UTC)
Note - new link added today - 4th on the list - Worldcat catalogue. Should it stay? Carmarg4 (talk) 01:35, 18 September 2010 (UTC)
Worldcat is OK. It's a database of reliable sources, I think.[2] I haven't looked at the ref, but it should probably be cited directly to what it is instead of through worldcat, unless wordlcat provides a full copy, in which case it should still be cited to the original, but a convenience link to worldcat is a good thing. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 04:55, 18 September 2010 (UTC)
Another new link added- abrahamlincoln.com - added by Shibarijjo(sp?) Should it stay ? Carmarg4 (talk) 12:55, 20 September 2010 (UTC)
It's not a reliable source [3], so it shouldn't stay. The c/e isn't quite what I'd hoped for. Darn. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 16:28, 20 September 2010 (UTC)
Did you take it out ? I can't find it. On the c/e, I guess at least we can say the "Guild" has signed off on it. Carmarg4 (talk) 20:43, 20 September 2010 (UTC)
I'll take care it now. I think I'll ask the guild again. Just giving him some time in case he was going to do more than I think. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 21:02, 20 September 2010 (UTC)
It wasn't abrahamlincoln.com, it was abrahamlincolninfo.com. It probably isn't a reliable source either, but it's not spam like the first one would have been. Also, it's in the external links section, which has different rules. It will probably be removed at the next FAC, but it isn't hurting anything right now. Since it isn't hurting anything, I don't want to chance a revert war with the user who added it. At some point we'll cull a bunch of the external links. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 21:08, 20 September 2010 (UTC)

The rest

Comment: This is a hugely important article and has been the subject of much recent work, but I believe it should not be here at this point. The article's history shows that since its delisting from FA status in October 2006 it has failed GAN four times, the last in September 2009. It has never, so far as I can see, had a formal peer review. The number of points raised in this review thus far highlight its unpreparedness for FAC. Please bring it to PR. Brianboulton (talk) 19:14, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

  • Your probably right, Brian. I'd like to let it go for two more days to see where we're at, if that's OK. It took another user and I four FACs to get Jackie Robinson to FA, and I'm hoping to do this one quicker, but as you say, it aint your average article and requires extra care. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 04:35, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Comment: Definite PR needed, I'm afraid. I haven't read the article at length, but I see a few technical aspects that need to be revisited. First of all, the EL section is overblown; the general belief is that the more links are included, the less useful the section becomes. Cull what is less notable, and perhaps tone down the editorial additions; for example, what makes one link "popular" or "good early history", and the others not? Why such a long list to works listed on Gutenberg? Also, I'm surprised (what with the huge amount of sources available) that the article leans heavily on the two Donald books. Is there a reason more than half of the citations are made to these works, as opposed to the dozens of others that are out there? The citations themselves need c-e for consistency, as well: a few "Donald"s are missing the year in parentheses, and do citations end with periods or no? Such an important article, but more work needs to be done. María (habla conmigo) 14:02, 16 September 2010 (UTC)
    • Re the heavy use of Donald references, it may be worth noting 1) Donald is as highly regarded and as often cited as any, among Lincoln's biographers, and 2) in almost all cases the cites are used to source facts, not opinions. Carmarg4 (talk) 20:08, 22 September 2010 (UTC)

Comments. I'm reading this together with a buddy who's a Lincoln enthusiast. I agree with above comments that this needs a PR and a thorough copy edit. I'm finding a lot of repetitive or unnecessary wording, and in several instances controversial statements presented as plain fact. Here's a sample, I can provide more later.

  • I have a problem with the word 'dedicated' in this sentence: Lincoln was a dedicated, though often absent, husband, and father of four children. He was gone 9 months of the year and fought a lot with Mary. How about 'affectionate'?
  • This is repeated in the two first paragraphs: Before his election in 1860 as the first Republican president,... and then in the second, Lincoln won the Republican nomination and was elected president in 1860. Take out one.
  • This sentence is awkward because of the word 'became': Six days after the surrender of Confederate forces under Robert E. Lee, Lincoln became the first American president to be assassinated.
  • This must be an error: He brought leaders of each faction of his party into his cabinet--he had Democrats in the cabinet too.
  • I'm finding a lot of unnecessary 'fluff' wording that could be cut out to make the article more concise and to-the-point. e.g. one of the greatest of all U.S. Presidents. → one of the greatest U.S. Presidents.
    • unable to delete "all" - edit conflict; a couple other superlatives removed...I hope that addresses it. Carmarg4 (talk) 19:27, 23 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Thomas, financially austere, became a respected citizen of rural Kentucky. 'financially austere' sounds awkward. And it's pretty debatable whether he had general respect; a lot of people thought he was a sucker and a bully.
    • Fixed...but I can't find any reference in Donald to the bully/sucker part. Carmarg4 (talk) 19:27, 23 September 2010 (UTC)
  • Either explain 'milk sickness' in a clause, or leave it out: his 34-year-old mother died of milk sickness
    • Link provided. Carmarg4 (talk) 19:48, 23 September 2010 (UTC)
  • This sentence is awkward: he willingly took on all chores expected of him as a male in the household, albeit young, tall and thin.
  • This sentence is another example of excessive unnecessary wording. Can it be made more concise? As was the custom, Lincoln also dutifully fulfilled the obligation of a son to give his father all earnings from his work for third parties until age 21.
  • Another awkward sentence: He was not a hard worker during his teens, with family and neighbors often calling him lazy. 'with' is an awkward linker.
  • The first paragraph in Marriage and family is debatable. It might make sense to have an attribution at the beginning saying 'According to Lincoln's law partner and biographer, ...' or something like that.
  • Another awkward sentence: Lincoln agreed to a match with Mary proposed by her sister, if Mary ever returned to New Salem.
  • This doesn't make sense: Mary Lincoln worked valiantly in their home
  • Another bad sentence: One evening, absorbed in his reading at home, Lincoln suddenly was rapped on the head with a piece of firewood by Mary, who had made four requests of him to restart the fire with no response. the passive voice makes it hard to read.
  • There are a lot of controversial points that are presented as uncontested facts. e.g. committing Mary to an asylum is attributed to the deaths--that's heavily contested. You could just take out the cause and effect there and state that Robert had her committed. Also, Abraham Lincoln suffered from "melancholy", a condition now called clinical depression. Maybe you should say 'which might be the condition now called..." or something.

If you end up taking this to PR, I'd be happy to give it a thorough review for you, let me know. delldot ∇. 19:07, 16 September 2010 (UTC)


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://mdwiki.org/wiki/User:Peregrine_Fisher/ALFA2Archive"