Talk:Tessa Noël/GA1
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GA Review
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Hi, nice to see some of your work again after your second season FL. Below are my comments.--Music26/11 11:48, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
- Hi, good to see you again ! Rosenknospe (talk) 19:44, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
Lead
At some points the lead jumps from past to present tense, example "Tessa was introduced in the pilot episode "The Gathering", first shown in 1992, and appears in all subsequent episodes..." This should be either "Tessa is...", or "and appeared...".- Done; I have kept the narrative present for Tessa and the past tense for the production history, hope it works. Rosenknospe (talk) 19:44, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
She returned after she was killed, how? As a ghost? In flashbacks? Please clearify.This could just be me, but "Tessa was intended to be MacLeod's mortal companion..." sounds like her character was changed, particularly because of the word "intendend". Perhaps "Tessa was created as MacLeod's mortal companion..." or simply "Tessa is MacLeod's mortal companion..." would be better.- Well spotted, I've changed it. Rosenknospe (talk) 19:44, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
I'm sorry, because this one might be a lot of work, but the way you refer to the characters should be similiar. You refer to Tessa Noël as Tessa, but to Duncan McCloud as McCloud (last name and first name).- Note: Maybe first names would be better, so you can seperate Duncan from Connor McCloud.--Music26/11 11:53, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
- Well, those are their most commonly used names. Only Tessa calls MacLeod "Duncan" and not always so, the others say "MacLeod" or "Mac" so I think using "Duncan" everywhere would look a bit awkward, just not right, you know, like calling House "Gregory". The same goes for Tessa, the only people calling her (Miss) Noel are perfect strangers; most of the time she's just Tessa. Connor is only mentioned once by full name, and the next occurrence of "MacLeod" has "Duncan" in front of it to clarify. (It's a recurring problem in Highlander articles; too many MacLeods ;)
- I feel they're named the proper way; if this doesn't satisfy you though, I can change it, and it's not much work at all, I can automate it. Rosenknospe (talk) 20:00, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
- No problem, you made your point clear when you explained the Gregory House thing to me.--Music26/11 16:57, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
- Note: Maybe first names would be better, so you can seperate Duncan from Connor McCloud.--Music26/11 11:53, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
Background
The way the actor's name is mentioned should be the same, "Alan Rothwood, played by Anthony Head" is okay with me, but either change "Christoph Kuyler (Peter Howitt)" to "Christoph Kuyler, played by Peter Howitt" or put Head's name in brackets behind Alan Rothwood. This problem occurs various times in the article, please choose one way and fix all the actor names.- This has been done during copyediting to break the monotony of the article and for better prose, but if it doesn't feel right, how about I put all the names of the actors playing minor characters between brackets and leave the main actors in prose ? Rosenknospe (talk) 21:00, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
- Personally, I think the names should be persistent, and I don't really think it affects the prose a lot if the way the actors are referred to changes. Examples of character FAs in which actor names are persistent: Martin Keamy, Jack Sparrow and Jason Voorhees.
- Brackets it is then :D You're right, it did become annoying after a time. Done. Rosenknospe (talk) 15:33, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
- Personally, I think the names should be persistent, and I don't really think it affects the prose a lot if the way the actors are referred to changes. Examples of character FAs in which actor names are persistent: Martin Keamy, Jack Sparrow and Jason Voorhees.
- This has been done during copyediting to break the monotony of the article and for better prose, but if it doesn't feel right, how about I put all the names of the actors playing minor characters between brackets and leave the main actors in prose ? Rosenknospe (talk) 21:00, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
This sentence "Walking through the ballroom in Alan's house, Tessa recounts...", it's a bit close to In-Universe writing, maybe you should contact a copy-editor to take a look at the article.- Reworded. The article has very recently been copyedited by two different users. Rosenknospe (talk) 21:12, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
Various quotes in the section could be changed to sentences, which might make you help fix the above concern.- I have reduced the number of quotes in the section, please let me know if it looks better now. Rosenknospe (talk) 21:50, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
This is just my opinion, but perhaps it would be better if the background section would be merged with the Character's story arc section and create one central "Arc" section.- I do agree with you on this one, there is not enough for two sections. I'm going to merge them. Rosenknospe (talk) 20:41, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
- How about now ? Rosenknospe (talk) 21:00, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
I'm a bit slow, so I'll problably finish later today or friday (since I won't be able to tomorrow due to Queensday). The page is on my watchlist, so you don't have to send me a note if you're done. Good Luck.--Music26/11 11:48, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
- I'll do the rest tomorrow. Rosenknospe (talk) 20:06, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
- Done. I understand you're in the Netherlands, sorry about what happened today. Rosenknospe (talk) 21:50, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
- It's surprising how fast something like this becomes world news, anyhow, I'm about halfway through the Arc section, and I'll list my concerns as soon as I'm finished.--Music26/11 13:49, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
- You did a nice job on fixing the above concerns, sorry I forgot to mention that.--Music26/11 13:52, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
- Done. I understand you're in the Netherlands, sorry about what happened today. Rosenknospe (talk) 21:50, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
Season One
The final paragraph seems a bit redundant to me, but if you wish to keep it, please clearify why Cahill is looking for Trent?- I'd like to keep it as it's of the rare episodes in which Tessa plays an important part. I clarified it. Rosenknospe (talk) 15:49, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
Why does the word immortal spelled with a capital I?- It's an obscure point of WP:MOSCAPS#Religions, deities, philosophies, doctrines and their adherents : Do not capitalize terms denoting types of religious or mythical beings such as angel, fairy or deva. ... An exception is made when such terms are used in fantasy fiction and they also denote ethnicities, in which case they are capitalized. Rosenknospe (talk) 16:23, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
Be back soon.--Music26/11 14:11, 1 May 2009 (UTC)
Season Two
How can Richie become an immortal?- In the series, people become immortal when they return to life after a violent death, as if nothing happened, just like in the episode. It seems to be random and nobody is aware they're immortal before it happens. I don't know about the technicalities as the producers liked to keep it a bit mysterious. I have reworded the sentence to match this. Rosenknospe (talk) 16:10, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
- Nicely rephrased :D.--Music26/11 17:02, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
- In the series, people become immortal when they return to life after a violent death, as if nothing happened, just like in the episode. It seems to be random and nobody is aware they're immortal before it happens. I don't know about the technicalities as the producers liked to keep it a bit mysterious. I have reworded the sentence to match this. Rosenknospe (talk) 16:10, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
If "To Be"/"Not to Be" depicts a world in which MacLeod was never born, how can Tessa have an affair with him?--Music26/11 11:20, 2 May 2009 (UTC)- It was a dream, and it's not the only irrational thing that happened there. I have made it clear in the article. Rosenknospe (talk) 18:15, 2 May 2009 (UTC)
Relationship with MacLeod
- "Intended" same problem as in the lead.
- Done. Rosenknospe (talk) 10:24, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- Please try to avoid the little two-sentences paragraphs, like the section has regarding MacLeod's previous lovers. Scrolling through the article I also see a few in the "Character Traits", "Employment and career" and "Character concept and development" sections.
- Done. Rosenknospe (talk) 10:30, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
Character traits
- Who is Lucas?
- I have made it clear in the article. Rosenknospe (talk) 10:30, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- Tiny paragraph, see "Relationship with MacLeod" comment.
- I have merged it with the previous paragraph. It's difficult to see where all the little details would fit, maybe I should remove them altogether. Rosenknospe (talk) 10:38, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
Employment and career
- Please merge the final paragraph with the above.
- Done. Rosenknospe (talk) 10:38, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
Character concept and development
- Tiny paragraph, see "Relationship with MacLeod" comment.
- Done. Rosenknospe (talk) 10:46, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- Please clearify that Kirsch is older than Vandernoot.--Music26/11 10:14, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- Actually Vandernoot was older. They were both in their mid-twenties, but they looked like a generation separated them. Rosenknospe (talk) 10:46, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- I'm out for lunch, I'll be back in an hour if there's more today ;D Rosenknospe (talk) 10:46, 4 May 2009 (UTC)
- This might seem disappointing, but I couldn't find anything else wrong with the article (besides to websites in italics). So it's a pass.--Music26/11 13:29, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
- OK then :D Thank you very much for your time and your thorough review, I do appreciate it ! Rosenknospe (talk) 16:01, 5 May 2009 (UTC)
- This might seem disappointing, but I couldn't find anything else wrong with the article (besides to websites in italics). So it's a pass.--Music26/11 13:29, 5 May 2009 (UTC)