Talk:Sand Springs Railway/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Premeditated Chaos (talk · contribs) 05:25, 4 September 2022 (UTC)

Dibs. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 05:25, 4 September 2022 (UTC)

Lead

• Class III is mentioned in the lead but not in the body

  Rectified. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 14:51, 11 September 2022 (UTC)

• Could we put a bit about Charles Page and the charitable founding in the lead, to reflect his importance from the body?

  I have now done so. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 16:46, 11 September 2022 (UTC)

History

• Need to mention Oklahoma in the opening paragraph - can't rely on the lead

  "Sand Springs, Oklahoma" is now explicitly stated. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 16:46, 11 September 2022 (UTC)

• "Model city" could be linked

  Linked. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 14:51, 11 September 2022 (UTC)

• You could alternate the images left and right for some visual interest if you wanted (I won't fight you if you don't)

  I tried this, but ran into sandwiching concerns no matter how I arranged the images. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 16:46, 11 September 2022 (UTC)

• "but was later" could be trimmed to just "later"

  OK, done. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 14:51, 11 September 2022 (UTC)

• "Unlike its many competitors" - this sentence could use some tweaking. "took pride" is a bit editorial and not reeeaaaally supported by the source. Since the source is 1940 and the passenger service closed in 1954, and we don't seem to have price data after 1940, I think it might be better to give the timeframe rather than assert it never raised fares ever.

  I've eliminated that sentence entirely, and added mention that the 1940 fares were unchanged from 1911 in the next sentence. Trainsandotherthings (talk) 16:46, 11 September 2022 (UTC)

Another article with minimal griping. Solid work as usual! ♠PMC♠ (talk) 11:19, 11 September 2022 (UTC)

All set for a pass! ♠PMC♠ (talk) 07:14, 12 September 2022 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.