Talk:Inuit clothing/GA1
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
| GA toolbox |
|---|
| Reviewing |
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 14:53, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
Opening statement
Hello, and come what may from this review, thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia. During the review, I may make copyedits, which I will limit to spelling correction and minor changes to punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. The Nominator(s) should understand that I am a grammar pedant, and I will nitpick in the interest of prose quality. For responding to my comments, please use 
Done, 
Fixed, 
Added, 
Not done, 
Doing..., or 
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 14:53, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
The WikiProject Good Article coordinators should know that I delayed my review at Premeditated Chaos's request, as she had just received some more material for the article. I was informed last night that everything is now ready for review. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 07:41, 30 April 2021 (UTC)
Lead
- Sentences in this article are really long. Some even stretch into next week.
- Sometimes thoughts are long! :P
The Inuit clothing system bears strong similarities to the skin clothing systems of other indigenous Arctic peoples such as the Alaska Natives and the indigenous peoples of Siberia and the Russian Far East.
Could be shortened: "[...] such as the indigenous peoples of Alaska, Siberia and the Russian Far East." Give or take an Oxford comma.
- Trimmed
After European colonization of North America and Greenland began in the 1600s, [...]
European colonization of the Americas began in the 15th century. Is "the 1600s" referring to areas inhabited by the Inuit peoples?
- Yeah I fucked up somewhere along the line. Rewrote that bit.
Traditional outfit
These garments were fairly lightweight despite their warmth [...]
"despite their thickness" would be better; warmth does not have weight.
- I knew that was bad when I wrote it but could not for the life of me figure out how to say it properly. I used "insulating ability" instead of thickness because individual garments weren't actually all that thick.
-
- I don't know, I think it's an important detail. Half the reason Inuit clothing was so good wasn't just that it was warm, but that it didn't sacrifice dexterity by being heavy, thick, or bulky. You can wear it and still get shit like hunting done efficiently.
The range of distinguishing features on the parka alone was significant, as described by Inuit clothing expert Betty Kobayashi Issenman in her 1997 book Sinews of Survival, including "the hood or lack thereof, and hood shape; width and configuration of shoulders; presence of flaps front and back, and their shape; in women's clothing the size and shape of the amaut, the baby pouch; length and outline of the lower edge; and fringes, ruffs, and decorative inserts."
This sentence is enormous. I recommend breaking it into two after the book title, and beginning the second with something like "She included [...]".
- I really think it reads better as one sentence. It's long, but it feels choppy to me broken up. I've changed it, but I want to record that I'm doing so under protest :P
The concept of Inuit clothing encompasses the traditional wear of a geographically broad range of Inuit cultures from Alaska to Greenland. For the sake of consistency, this article uses Canadian Inuktitut terminology, unless otherwise noted.
I recommend putting this in a footnote (as [a]); it sticks out from the rest of the text by already being a note, and not having an in-line citation. Where to put this footnote is up to you, though I think the table below it or just before the quote above are the best places.
- Well, it can't really have an in-line citation, as it's an explanatory note about the article content. I specifically didn't make it a footnote because I want it to be visible without having to click elsewhere, which many readers (especially on mobile) don't do.
Why does only one set of Inuit characters have a citation in the table?
- Relic; I've pulled it.
Footwear
In the deepest part of winter, the footwear of the traditional outfit could [...]
"In the deepest part of winter," is nebulous and its removal would lead to no loss of quality for the text.
- Hmmmmm yeah okay
[...] both of which had outward-facing fur.
"of which" is unnecessary here.
- Trimmed
Accessory garments
[...] while bear is preferred for icing sled runners [...]
Should this be "ice sled runners"? I'm pretty sure I know what you mean from my time living in Alaska, but this prose summons a mental image of a dog sledder rubbing snow on his skis.
- I don't know, the source directly says "icing sled runners". Actually interestingly, tried Googling the phrase and this source indicates that putting ice on sled runners was literally what was going on, which is kind of neat.
- Well huh!
"Greenlandic" is a disambiguation.
- Fixed
Bird skins
When hunting geese, all-white parkas made from goose or caribou belly skin allowed men to camouflage themselves in the snow for an easier hunt.
This unfortunately has little to do with the usage of pieces of geeses by the Inuit peoples.
- Yeahhh fair I pulled it.
Fabric and artificial materials
Beginning in the 1600s, contact with non-Inuit, including American, European, and Russian traders and explorers, began to have a greater influence on the construction and appearance of Inuit clothing.
Greater influence than what? I would assume "greater than the cost and returns of the labor involved in acquiring raw materials and using them to make traditional Inuit garb". That's a mouthful though. I'd go with "[...] began to have great influence [...]".
- I tweaked it to "increasingly large influence".
[...] while rejecting elements that were detrimental [...].
Recommend "unsuitable" rather than detrimental. Unless absorbing sweat caused garments to fall apart, anyway.
- Swapped, unsuitable is definitely better
Tools
Ulu knives were particularly important tools for seamstresses. Considered to be integral to their identity, they were often buried with their owner at her death.
"at her death" is redundant.
Done
Hide processing
[...] with an ulu knife until [...]
"knife" here is redundant, since you've already discussed the ulu.Sometimes the fur would need to be removed so the hide could be used for things like boot soles, which could be done with an ulu.
This can be condensed. Maybe combine the last clause with the next sentence?This could be done with an ulu or, if the hair had been loosened by putrefaction or soaking in water, a blunt scraping tool.
- Both done
Maintenance
Historically, the Inuit used two main tools [...]
...but only the tiluqtut gets a formal introduction and its Inuit name.
- That's because none of the sources I found gave the Inuit name for drying rack. I finally found one and added it.
Major principles
noted that cold-weather garments such Inuit clothing must
Missing word?
- it ran away from me, I've caught it and tied it down
The women's coat, the amauti [...]
Already introduced.
- trimmed
[...] labour-intensive, highly customized [...]
Does Canadian English not use -ise?
- Probably? I dunno, I tend to prefer the Z's, but I'm not making a point or anything. Being on the internet and dealing with American-slanted spellcheck has flattened my Canadianisms.
Hunters carried sewing kits which enabled them to make repairs in the field if necessary.
Already stated in #Maintenance.
- Trimmed a bit also
Decorative techniques
[...] beads were made from amber, stone, tooth, and ivory.
Should be "teeth".
- I disagree, it's referring to "tooth" as an uncountable material, not teeth in the plural.
Spirituality and identity
[...] both the material and spiritual world.
Should this be plural?
- Yes, and now it is
History
[...] Thule culture era of approximately 1000 to 1600 CE.
Era?
- I don't know what the problem is with the word.
These people brought trade goods such as metal tools, beads, and fabric which began to be integrated into traditional clothing, as well as premade fabric garments that sometimes replaced traditional wear.
Sentence used earlier in its entirety.
- So was the one before it, actually :P I've condensed and reworded both now.
Images
- All relevant and free or tagged, but still one problem: their captions. See MOS:CAPFRAG:
Most captions are not complete sentences, but merely sentence fragments, which should not end with a period or full stop. If any complete sentence occurs in a caption, then all sentences, and any sentence fragments, in that caption should end with a period or full stop.
There are many captions consisting of sentence fragments that should not have the periods they currently possess.
- Oops, that comes from a flawed misremembering of the MOS - for some reason I thought it was that "If any complete sentence occurs in a caption, then all sentences, and any sentence fragments, in ANY caption" should end with a full stop. I will fix.
Referencing
- Sources are all reliable. I like the way you have your bibliography organized.
- Thanks! I'm not gonna lie, I am inordinately pleased with that bibliography.
GA progress
Good Article review progress box
|
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.