Talk:In a World.../GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Nominator: TonyTheTiger (talk · contribs)

Reviewer: Spinixster (talk · contribs) 07:37, 23 March 2024 (UTC)

Hello, I'll be reviewing this. At first glance, there are some issues with the article that should be fixed:

• There is 1 CN tag in the article as well as some unsourced parts.
  • I only saw one unsourced and untagged part. I have removed the two WP:OR elements.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:26, 23 March 2024 (UTC)
• I'd suggest rearranging the sections per MOS:FILM; right now, the placements are confusing.
  • Aside from the Box office and the reception being in the wrong order, I did not see any other misplacements.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:49, 23 March 2024 (UTC)

  I think the Music section should be under the Production section; many other film articles follow this trend. Also, the Filming section may suffer from oversectioning because the sections are quite short. Spinixster (chat!) 12:58, 23 March 2024 (UTC)

• There are some (MOS:EDITORIAL, I think) issues with the prose, such as She deliberately filmed using shots in the style of a drama, although the film is a comedy. The "nose kiss" scene was suggested by Ken Marino, and it made Bell laugh so much she told him he would need to do it twice.
  • I think I have fixed the specific example, but when I search for "ly" in the text, I am confused on how this rule applies.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:59, 23 March 2024 (UTC)

  I did not remember the exact guideline, but the part I mentioned is much better now. I'll do an in-depth review later. Spinixster (chat!) 13:53, 23 March 2024 (UTC)

• Per MOS:LEAD, the lead is too short.
  • I have expanded the LEAD, but reformatted it to two paragraphs per MOS:LEADLENGTH.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 13:26, 23 March 2024 (UTC)

I'll put this review on hold for now before I do a full review. Feel free to ask any questions if needed. Spinixster (chat!) 07:37, 23 March 2024 (UTC)

Full review

Thanks for the needed improvements, I will now review the article further. This may take a while.

• Lead and infobox:
  • Some citations in the infobox are not needed as the information is already mentioned in the body.
    • OK-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 11:44, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
  • Per MOS:LEADCITE, citations in the lead are not needed.
    • Thx.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 11:42, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
  • Most of the gross was domestic. seems to be original research, since the body only lists the full price but does not say that most of the gross came from domestic audiences.
    • Total minus international is domestic, but I have spelled it out.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 11:36, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
• Plot
  • Currently, the plot section sits at ~670 words, so there are no worries about the plot section being too long and violating MOS:PLOT. However, there are many one-sentence paragraphs, which is not encouraged, so I'd merge parts with similar ideas and summarize wherever possible.
    • I haven't seen the movie in a while, but I merged small parts together. Did not change any summaries.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 11:50, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
• Production
  • Are there more information on the production? If not, I'd remove the subsections per MOS:OVERSECTION.
    • OK-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 11:54, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
  • The list of filming locations should be converted to prose.
    • Done-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 11:54, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
• Release
  • This section does not say when it was released at Sundance and North American theaters/international theaters.
    • Fixed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:10, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
• Box office
  • Perhaps this section can be moved to be inside the Reception section? I see that this is the trend with most articles, and it makes sense.
    • Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:11, 24 March 2024 (UTC)

• Reception
  • Per WP:RECEPTION I'd merge paragraphs that have similar ideas and try to summarize/paraphrase what the reviewer said to avoid high copyvio rates.
    • OK.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:20, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
• Music
  • As said above, I'd move this to be under the Production section.
    • Moved-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:27, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
  • Where did this soundtrack come from? Is it an official soundtrack album? Where is it sourced from? I think this should be clarified and sourced..
    • The only source I see is https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2294677/soundtrack/.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:27, 24 March 2024 (UTC)

    I think, unless there is a reliable source stating the song(s) used in the movie, the unsourced songs should be removed, and the Music section should be converted to prose and merged with the Production section. Spinixster (trout me!) 14:03, 24 March 2024 (UTC)

    • The issue is that when you search for the "In a World" Soundtrack, the search results mostly show the score: Amazon, spotify, apple.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:32, 24 March 2024 (UTC)

      I guess since Ryan Miller's score has a source, you can just say that he wrote the score for the film. Per WP:FILMSCORE, Track listings for film scores are generally discouraged since the score is usually composed by one person and the score's tracks are generic descriptions of scenes from the film. Spinixster (trout me!) 02:01, 25 March 2024 (UTC)

      • Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:15, 25 March 2024 (UTC)

• Sourcing:
  • Source 6 is unreliable per WP:NYPOST.
    • Removed. It seems the cast section is not sourced, which I guess is OK. How would you source it if IMDB is not considered a WP:RS.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 21:23, 24 March 2024 (UTC)

Per WP:FILMCAST, any uncredited roles should be sourced to reliable sources. Spinixster (trout me!) 05:58, 25 March 2024 (UTC)

removed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 06:15, 25 March 2024 (UTC)

• • Source 25 seems to be an official YouTube upload of Kermode and Mayo's Film Review. I'd suggest using this link so it's more official and use Template:Cite AV media for it. Kermode also did a The Guardian review here, if it's useful.
    • O.K.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:41, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
  • Source 34, which is a primary source, can be replaced with this one.
    • Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:38, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
  • The reference format is not consistent (WP:CITEVAR). Some sources are missing authors, dates, etc., there doesn't seem to be a consistent way of displaying authors (they're either like "Deming, Mark" or "Tom Brueggemann"), you know what I mean. I'd suggest making them consistent with each other.
    • Fixed.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:58, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
  • There are some primary sources (mostly at the Accolades section) that I think could be easily replaced with secondary ones.
    • I only saw one primary in accolades.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 22:35, 24 March 2024 (UTC)
• Copyvio: Aside from the sources clearly copy-pasted from Wikipedia, there's only a 24.2% similarity for an attributed quote and common phrases.

Thanks for the changes. There's just a few more things that I think are needed before I pass this article:

• I found a few sources that might be useful to expand the Production section, e.g. writing process, inspirations, etc. There's also a few extra reviews for the Reception section.
  • Incorporated where subscriptions did not interfere.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:23, 31 March 2024 (UTC)
• I think the lead may not cover enough of the article, and MOS:LEAD is a required criteria to pass. The lead can still be 2 paragraphs, but may include more information on production, inspiration, etc.
  • LEAD nearly double the length that you reviewed (1004 characters vs. 539).-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:22, 31 March 2024 (UTC)
• Has anyone else done the observation that Melissa Disney was the only female voice-over talent to voice a film trailer?
  • Are any of these WP:RS: [1] (which quotes Variety Mag), [2] or [3].-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 19:37, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

  The first source seems to be a copy of her bio, which is primary. The original source Movie trailers lack female narrators is much better, though it doesn't mention that she's the only female voice-over talent to voice a film trailer. The second is a biography, which is primary. The third source doesn't seem to mention that she's the only female voice-over talent to voice a film trailer at all. Spinixster (trout me!) 02:42, 1 April 2024 (UTC)

  Is there a directive in your response?-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:47, 1 April 2024 (UTC)

  Sort of, though I don't think that it'd be useful to use this source in this case if it doesn't say what Lake Bell said. I just asked for more proof instead of relying on Bell. Spinixster (trout me!) 09:14, 1 April 2024 (UTC)

  I'll do some more digging and get back to you.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:31, 1 April 2024 (UTC)

  The source at the time could have been This 2012 article.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:41, 1 April 2024 (UTC)

  I think that's usable, though the claim would have to be altered to Disney being one of the few female voice actors who had voiced a movie trailer. Spinixster (trout me!) 13:24, 1 April 2024 (UTC)

  I have incorporated this.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:05, 2 April 2024 (UTC)

  Thanks. Since I have no more problems with the article, I will be passing this. Spinixster (trout me!) 06:37, 2 April 2024 (UTC)

  After that it is Bell stuff like this. Then the story seems to die.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:47, 1 April 2024 (UTC)

• One-sentence paragraphs are not encouraged, so they should be merged with another if possible.
  • I'll get to these soon, but it may not be until the weekend.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:47, 27 March 2024 (UTC)
    • I do not recall being tasked with such an extensive reading assignment during a review before. I am digging into these right now.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 12:15, 31 March 2024 (UTC)
• From the first list, two articles require subscriptions, so I did not incorporate them. I am going to look at the second list. However, for the current article size, I feel the current critical response size is correct. Also, I see metacritic has 30 reviews and rotten tomatoes has 130. How did you select these for inclusion?-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 17:53, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.