Talk:Heroes and Demons/GA1

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Reviewer: Johanna (talk · contribs) 21:07, 16 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi! I should be able to review soon. Johanna(talk to me!) 21:07, 16 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments
  • "This episode was the first in Voyager's run..." Why is this information relevant to the first paragraph of the lead, and what is your definition of "significant involvement"?
  • When talking about the composer's nomination—I would remove the word "subsequently", as it implies to me, reading it, that the two were somehow connected.
  • Be sure that your information in the lead follows the structure of your reception section. Also, you don't seem to have any info from the "cast and crew response" subsection in the lead.
  • If you make that third paragraph any longer, I would recommend splitting it into two paras.
  • Comma after "Caretaker", as I thought this was a different episode from the pilot with your current punctuation.
  • "the former story editor for Star Trek: The Next Generation during the final two seasons" Is this sourced in that next ref?
  • "The initial idea" add: for the episode.
  • "needing to be rectified" is redundant, and just saying "the main issue" would suffice.
  • There's a free file of Shankar on Commons—File:NarenShankar.png. I don't know about you, but I think that would be more helpful than a picture of a Beowulf manuscript.
  • Lighthearted should not be two words; it's either without any spaces or "light-hearted"
  • I would prefer "appeared in" to "gained" when talking about roles.
  • Can you split up the sentence beginning "'Heroes and Demons' was significant for McCarthy" into two sentences? Even though it may not technically be a run-on sentence, it's a jumble to read.
  • "This was finally used..." Once again, the sentence kind of seems like you're saying that because the piece was included in the episode, he submitted it for Emmy consideration. I assume that's not the case based on the source...?
  • "The sets were magnificent-the forest set was beautiful" Typically, there should be an en or em dash in place of that hyphen, but if that's how it was transcribed in the source, I would add a [sic]
  • I'm assuming there were no online reviews to be found?
  • I don't know how I missed those, but I've added it now. TrekToday is part of TrekNation, which is one of four unofficial sites which are linked to from the official Star Trek website (or at least were in the previous design, they changed it a couple of months ago and I haven't checked it since). Their news stories were also linked directly to on the official website back in 2004 or so. Jammer's is a bit more unusual - the Voyager team considered his reviews so important during their run that he was brought over to LA to pitch episode ideas directly to the producers. None of them got picked up, but it showed why his opinion was considered important. Miyagawa (talk) 18:14, 22 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would place "Home media release" as a subsection of Reception, but it's up to you.
  • Refs look good.

@Miyagawa: That's all I have! You always create very solid articles into which you've seem to have put a lot of research. If you fix this, I will gladly pass. Johanna(talk to me!) 02:38, 22 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Johanna: I think I've covered everything now that I've added those online reviews. Let me know if there is anything else. Miyagawa (talk) 18:14, 22 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Miyagawa: Wonderful! I can certainly pass now. Wonderful work! Johanna(talk to me!) 19:12, 22 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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