Talk:Ed White (astronaut)/GA1
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Reviewer: Zawed (talk · contribs) 01:16, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
I will review, comments to follow in due course. Zawed (talk) 01:16, 23 September 2021 (UTC)
Lead
- There, he flew in F-86 Sabre and F-100 Super Sabre squadrons. The previous sentence states he was assigned to the 22nd Day Fighter Squadron. Should the word squadrons appear in the highlighted sentence? It seems to me that it should be replaced with fighters or aircraft. Same applies to the Military service section as well.
- Tweaked wording. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:36, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
Early life
- (class of 24) - state 1924
Changed as suggested. (Aside: I Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- White married Patricia Eileen Finegan - née Finegan?
- That's not appropriate here; she had not yet changed her name, so that would imply that it was her second marriage. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- link Annapolis, Florida
- read an article about the future of astronauts, and decided to become an astronaut. - suggest "decided to become one" to avoid repetition of astronuat.
- Good idea. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- being a test pilot would improve his chances of becoming selected as an astronaut - suggest adding "also" after would, to follow on from the point that having a degree would help his chances.
- Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
Up to Nasa career, more to come. Zawed (talk) 20:30, 25 September 2021 (UTC)
Nasa career
- In the Gemini 4 section, will it be practical to add a one-liner to start to explain the key objectives of the mission?
- Added a bit lifted from the James McDivitt article. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- He was also named the astronaut specialist for the flight control systems of the Apollo command module. - in the earlier Gemini program section, it is noted that "For the Apollo program, White would later specialize in control and communications systems and instrumentation."; I suggest removing this first mention, given the more specific explanation in the Gemini 4 section.
- Apollo program - the use of "Instead" is a little jarring here since it follows the heading. It would be much less so it if was continuous with the previous section.
- Not sure what I can do here. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- link Cape Kennedy
More to come. Zawed (talk) 22:33, 25 September 2021 (UTC)
Isn't this outside your usual area of interest? Asking in case I need a reviewer for an astronaut article in the future. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:08, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- I have been interested in the Mercury-Gemini-Apollo programs since reading Andrew Chaikin's book when I was first year uni. I know you have been working on this topic for a few year and have been meaning to get involved on the reviewing side for a while. Zawed (talk) 03:02, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
Continuing with review:
- The first sentence of the Aftermath section is actually quite long, suggesting breaking it up.
- Split sentence. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 04:51, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- In the Gemini 4 section the abbreviation for extravehicular activity is introduced twice
- Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 04:51, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
Awards and Honours
- The trip to the White House to collect the NASA Exceptional Service Medal has already been mentioned in the Gemini 4 section
Memorials
- In the other sites section, Edward H. White Hall needs a cite for the stuff about the 365th.
Other stuff
- Dupe links: Mercury Seven, extravehicular activity, White House, NASA Exceptional Service Medal
- Image tags look OK
That's it for me. Zawed (talk) 03:46, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- All done. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 04:51, 26 September 2021 (UTC)
- Looks good, passing as GA. Zawed (talk) 06:49, 26 September 2021 (UTC)