Talk:Diamonds from Sierra Leone/GA1

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Reviewer: Zmbro (talk · contribs) 15:58, 22 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Eh, why not. – zmbro (talk) 15:58, 22 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for taking on this large article, I have left comments in response on "Coldest Winter" if you have anything to tell me in reply! --K. Peake 16:02, 22 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Kyle Peake, Cool Almost done with this review, so don't comment until I'm finished. – zmbro (talk) 16:59, 22 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Zmbro Good to see you are done now, I'll look when I get home and have you made your mind up about the other GAN? --K. Peake 17:29, 22 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Infobox and lead

  • I don't think the (originally "Diamonds") doesn't appear necessary
  • "With the exception of Brion, the producers served as songwriters for it alongside" → "The producers, with the exception of Brion, are credited as songwriters alongside"
  • "who both received credit due to having written work that is sampled." this is worded weird. I'd try something different
  • Do you think it's necessary to mention "Diamonds Are Forever" was a James Bond theme? Just wondering
  • "A Jay-Z–featuring remix" → "A remix featuring Jay-Z"
  • "The remix samples Bassey's "Diamonds Are Forever"" why is this here? To me, this implies the original doesn't.
  • "sees Jay-Z rapping in the second part." the second part of what? Do you mean the second verse?
  • Shouldn't it be mentioned in the lead that the remix is on the album while the original appears as a bonus track?

Background and recording

  • Could we add that image of Jon Brion for flair? Section feels empty
  • "produced for and while watching 2004 film" → "produced for; while watching the 2004 film"
  • "hip hop project, and the decision" feels like a comma splice → hip hop project; the decision
  • "for 1971" → "for the 1971"
  • "John Barry and Don Black also received songwriting credits since they wrote singer Shirley Bassey's titular theme song for 1971 James Bond film Diamonds Are Forever, which is sampled." This whole sentence should be reworded to read that because of the sample they received credits.
  • I'm confused, who cleared the sample then if Bassey didn't know about it? The songwriters?
  • It is not officially reported who cleared the sample, though the law specialist's mention of West likely gaining permission from one of her representatives delivers significant insight. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Composition and lyrics

  • Add a small description for Dave Tozer. Had to click on his page to learn who he was.

Release and reception

  • Section seems a little quote-heavy. Maybe try to paraphrase a little bit, especially instances where only one word is put in quotes

Music video

  • "He elaborated that the content "gives you a timeless feel, and we're gonna shoot it in black and white"" The black and white part can be paraphrased; it'd probably work better put before the "timeless" part
  • "Contrasting with West having served as the director of numerous visuals around 2005, the music video was directed by Hype Williams." put what's after the comma before contrasting

Commercial performance

  • "On the chart issue dated May 21, 2005, "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" entered the US Billboard Hot 100 at number 94" put what's before the comma after 94; when I started reading the sentence I didn't know what chart was being discussed.
  • "declining 11 places to number 94" → "declining 11 places back to number 94"
  • "The song peaked at number 21" → "The song also peaked at number 21"

Live performances and other usage

  • Make sure this section flows well and doesn't read like a bunch of bullet points thrown together (first two sentences especially read this way). One way to fix this, especially if the sentence is just "he performed it here...", combine a few of these a say "He also performed it at this,[1], that,[2] and that.[3]" Make sense? To me, this is easier for flow and doesn't read like "He performed it here". "He performed it there".
  • "spray-painted with gold" drop the 'with'
  • "West performed the song at 8:56 p.m." is the timestamp significant? If not there's really no reason to have it
  • "West came out at 9 p.m." same as the above point
  • "started his appearance with a performance of the song" → "started his appearance with "Diamonds from Sierra Leone""
  • "which began from the set's 1:05:37 mark" again is this necessary?
  • "mostly referencing the West of the continent." I thought this meant Kanye West at first, not the geographic west side of a continent. I'd reword (west doesn't need to be capitalized here)

Remix

  • Shouldn't you mention the remix's earlier placement on the tracklisting of LR?
  • Who is Jacob the Jeweler?
  • The section feels less quote-heavy than the earlier section, but just make sure to paraphrase when you can.

Track listings

  • No lengths?

Credits and personnel

  • Looks good

Charts

  • Looks good

Certifications

  • Looks good

Release history

  • Looks good

References

  • I found one instance of author being used instead of first/last. Make sure every use is the latter
  • Looking at the site's Wiki article alone, it was founded by a drummer from well known band the Roots and is heavily reliant on recording artists, while there is clearly a separate message board for users to post on that is different from the actual articles published. --K. Peake 08:12, 23 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is Oxford Mail like the Daily Mail or is it actually reliable?
  • Didn't see any instances of overlinking so I think we're good there
  • What happened to that copyvio detector? Can't find it now

Final thoughts

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