Talk:Brenda Eichelberger

Peer Edit

Brenda Eichelberger

• Add more detail in this description, so readers will have more information to associate her with. Possibly add more detail about her feminist work, or her work as a psychologist. Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Grammer error: I am not sure if she is a counselor or consoler (not sure what that is, so if that is what she is possibly add more info about the meaning of being a consoler), but I noticed this spelling throughout the article. Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Grammer error: instead of "for" put "of" after "founding member" Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Grammer error: Add "the" in front of "National Alliance of Black Feminists" Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Also, adding more detail about what she wrote (the intro talked about being a writer) would be good! Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Add 2 to 3 more sentences worth of detail in the lead paragraph Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)

Early Life

• unless there is major significance in the fact that her mother was a homemaker and civil servant, it might be best to take that information out, and instead of focusing on the mother, focusing more on her early life. Adding information about family could be helpful if more information about their significance in her life is present! Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Add detail about where she got her degree, where she was raised, if her family practiced similar ideas as her, and if her jobs impacted her eventual involvment in the feminest movement. Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Add information about the time period in which she grew up Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Grammer: combine the last 2 sentences to avoid ending the sentence with a preposition. Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• create a background as to why she got into the feminist movement. Having an early life section would be the best place for it because she was most likely impacted as a young adult in a way that encouraged her to get involved Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)

Feminism

• Grammer Error: add "she" before "co-founded" in the first sentence Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Rework the sentence/area of the paragraph where discussion about her being a therapist is taking place. First off, put "a" before "therapist". Also, get rid of the second period in that sentence. Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• As far as the area of the article that talks about her being a therapist, clarift exactly what she did in her therapist work. The first sentence where the title of the therapist was presented reads a bit awkwardly, so possibly rewriting that one sentence could be helpful. Also, going more in depth about the job in general would be great! Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• grammer error: The sentence that begins with "It was suggested that black women" add an "s" to the end of sessions Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• grammer error: add a period after "unique to themselves". Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Grammer error: instead of saying "Some topic that was discussed", add an "s" to "topic" and change "was" to "were" Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Grammer error: add a comma after "After the National Association of Black Feminists was disbanded in 1975" Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• Grammer error: change "Found" to "founded" Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)
• write in depth about the different organizations that she founded or was a part of. Those are important parts of her story and were her acheivements, and expanding upon them would be helpful to those who read it. Also, if there is a wiki page relating to those organizations, you could link those pages to yours once it is published. Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)

Overall, you have a great start to your article! I would just add some more detail as far as her early life and feminist work goes, and adding some extra detail to the into would not hurt either! Also, make sure and correct any grammatical errors that were found in the artice. Good job!! Emilynicole0224 (talk) 00:39, 27 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Edit

Grammatical errors and sentence structure problems. Minuscule errors. Did anything in her early life contribute to why she started these organizations? Expand on her accomplishments within both of her organizations. Why did the National Association of Black Feminists fail? What did she do wrong? How did it grow? Why did she start it? Did she start it with someone? Same questions for the National Alliance of Black Feminists. Did her second organization succeed where the first one failed? You're off to a great start, these are questions that will help you o expand more. Is the page more so about her accomplishments within these organizations or about her more specifically? Was she a well known character in the public's eye? KeyiraWalker (talk) 01:57, 27 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Edit

As the other students mentioned, you are off to a great start on this topic! I also suggest adding more details to your sections and correcting the grammatical errors mentioned. I also recommend adding sources to your sections as you go so you don't lose track of the information entered. Two links at the bottom your last section are credible sources. You can cite them while you are adding the information from those sources. Just click "cite" on top of your sandbox and add information about your article and it will be cited for you when you save your changes! Srp027 (talk) 02:26, 8 April 2019 (UTC)