Talk:Asthma/GA1
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Reviewer: Sahara4u (talk · contribs) 17:20, 29 December 2012 (UTC)
Lede
- Its diagnosis is usually made based on the pattern of symptoms, response to therapy over time, and spirometry.[5].... no need of "made" and "over time" → "at times"
- Fixed the first, the second is "response to therapy over time". Ie you give the treatment and see if it works. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 11:50, 17 January 2013 (UTC)
- As of 2010, 300 million people were affected worldwide. In 2009 asthma caused 250,000 deaths globally.[12] → need to be updated as we are in 2013, also merge these two sentences.
- This is the most recent estimates from a 2011 paper by GINA. They do not typically change that fast. Updated the years to match the refs. Merged.Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 11:50, 17 January 2013 (UTC)
Signs and symptoms
- Symptoms are often worse......→worst
- This is just referring to in relation to the day. And not the worst. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 12:07, 17 January 2013 (UTC)
- Some people with asthma only rarely experience .... no need of "only"
- Thanks fixed. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 12:07, 17 January 2013 (UTC)
Causes
- These factors influence both its severity and how responsive it is to treatment.[18]→These factors influence both its severity and its response to treatment.[18]
Environmental
- Too many short paragraph even the 1st one is a single sentence, merge them into 2 paras
- asthma in children and adults[26][27] as are high .... → refs should come after the period
- Many sentences in the article are similarly phrased i.e. "including:[33] respiratory syncytial virus" and "including: allergens" etc. I suggest to avoide the repetition.
Hygiene hypothesis
- ...increase rates of asthma worldwide—increased rates of asthma are a direct and unintende.... no need to repeat "increased rates of asthma"
- non infectious → non-infectious
- It's been proposed that the ... → It has been
- Evidence supporting the hygiene hypothesis includes observations of lower rates of asthma seen on farms and in households with pets; however, there are still many uncertainties.[37] → I don't understand what you are trying to say, this needs a complete copyedit
- Antibiotic use early in life .... → Use of antbiotic in early life......
- ...is associated[39] with an increased.... ref should be after period
Genetic
- is ~25% → "approximately 25%" or "nearly 25%"
- Many of these genes are related to the immune system or to modulating inflammation. → no need of 2nd "to"
- The genetic trait CD14 single nucleotide polymorphism (SNP) C-159T and exposure to endotoxin (a bacterial product) is an example. → need to be rephrased
Medical conditions
- ...allergic rhinitis, and asthma is called atopy. → remove the comma
- ....autoimmune disease vasculitis, Churg–Strauss syndrome. → autoimmune diseased vasculitis and Churg–Strauss syndrome.
- Other medications that can cause problems include: ASA, NSAIDs, and angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors.[53] → Other medications that can cause problems are ASA, NSAIDs and angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors.[53]
Pathophysiology
- The typical changes in the airway → airways
- Chronically airway smooth muscle may increase in size along with .... → Chronically airways' smooth muscle may increase in size along with ....
Diagnosis
- There is currently no precise test for asthma[34] with ... ref at the end of the sentence and aagain no need of made later in th ssentence
Spirometry
- ...salbutamol this is supportive of the diagnosis. →.....salbutamol, is supportive of the diagnosis. Also link salbutamol an COPD
- ...every 1 or 2 years....→ every one or two years
- Other → Others?
Classification
- You may provide key for the table i.e what ≤, > , < mean?
- ..such as bronchiectasis,chronic bronchitis, and emphysema.[64] → space after the 1st comma
Asthma exacerbation
- Ablue color of the skin → space after A
Exercise-induced
- In athletes it occurs more common .... comma after athletes
- Link cycling and skiing
- ....those without asthma[74] however oral.... → ref at the end of the sentence, there may be others.......
Occupational
- Asthma as a result of (or worsened by) workplace exposures is a commonly reported occupational disease.[77] → comma before is
- work related → work-related
Management
- Bronchodilators are recommended for short-term relief of symptoms.> In..... → remove >
Medications
- Fast acting → Fast-acting
- Long term → Long-term
- Other→Others
Progesterone needs to be discussed as a medication for the condition. Research shows it to be effective with less side effects. Not widely known yet, but gaining interest by specialists. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 101.113.195.30 (talk) 16:26, 31 March 2013 (UTC)
Prognosis
- Globally it causes moderate or severe disability in 19.4 million people as of 2004 ... Need to be updated
Epidemiology
- As of 2011, ~235 million people worldwide.. → As of 2011, approximately/nearly 235 million people worldwide
- economically disadvantage → economically disadvantaged
- refs should come after periods
History
- ...an incense mixture known as kyphi[130] → full-stop after kyphi
- refs should come after periods
- In 1873 one of the first papers.... → comma after 1873
Images and catergories
- All the images need alt text.
- You may add more categories
I'll revisit once the above concers are addressed. Good luck! Zia Khan 00:24, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
Quick glance – References should come after periods. Zia Khan 16:15, 19 January 2013 (UTC)
- Per what guideline? If have the sentence is support by one ref and the other half is supported by another I prefer to keep the references right next to the content they support. Have changed a few but others I prefer they way they are. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 02:11, 20 January 2013 (UTC)
Final Review
- GA review (see Wikipedia:Good article criteria and WP:GACN)
- Well written.
- a (clear and concise prose which doesn't violate copyright laws, grammar and spelling are correct):
b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, and fiction:
- a (clear and concise prose which doesn't violate copyright laws, grammar and spelling are correct):
- Factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (well-referenced): b (citations to reliable sources): c (Wikipedia:No original research):
- a (well-referenced):
- Broad in its coverage.
- a (covers major aspects): b (well-focused):
- a (covers major aspects):
- Neutral .
- Fair representation, no bias:
- Fair representation, no bias:
- Stable.
- No edit wars nor disputed contents:
- No edit wars nor disputed contents:
- Illustrated appropriately by images.
- a b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a
- Result: Good work, keep it up! Zia Khan 22:53, 27 January 2013 (UTC)
- Pass/Fail:
- Pass/Fail:
