Talk:Miles Dempsey/GA1
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GA Review
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Reviewer: Djmaschek (talk · contribs) 21:40, 17 September 2021 (UTC)
Review 1
Please fix or argue your case to not fix. There will be more to come. Djmaschek (talk) 00:05, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Introduction:
- Paragraph 2: "awarded Military Cross" > "awarded the Military Cross".
- Paragraph 2: "Iran during the Russian Civil War, and in India" > "in Iran during the Russian Civil War, and in India".
- Between the wars:
- Paragraph 1: "where formed part" > "where it formed part".
- Paragraph 1: "but in 1922 returned" > "but in 1922 he returned".
- Paragraph 2: "Dempsey remained in this post..." > This sentence is very long and awkward to read. Can it be written as 2 sentences?
Split sentence. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 6: "The brigade, commanded by..." > This sentence is very long and awkward to read. Can it be written as 2 sentences, perhaps with the second sentence starting with "after handing over again"?
Split sentence. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 6: Is GSO2 defined somewhere? I don't see it.
Not very well, but added a link. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
Review 2
Here's more. Djmaschek (talk) 01:45, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Belgium and France:
- Picture: "Miles Dempsey (center)" in the caption would be helpful.
Changed as suggested. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 3: Add Dyle and Scarpe river links.
- Picture: "Miles Dempsey (center)" in the caption would be helpful.
- Sicily and Italy:
- Picture: "Dempsey (left)" in the caption would be helpful.
- Paragraph 2: "developed by a Algiers known as Force 141" (something is wrong here: missing words in sentence?)
Added missing words. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- North Western Europe:
- Paragraph 2: "which we called his 'whizzer' " ("we" makes it seem like this is from a quote, but there are no quote marks)
Typo. Changed to "he". Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 2: "it was it still a field" > "it was still a field" (extra word)
- Paragraph 3: Maurice Chilton (this is the second link)
Unlinked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 3: "He later became Deputy Adjutant General at 21st Army Group HQ, and was replaced by ... Pyman" (who is he? replaced as what?) Suggest: "Chilton later became Deputy Adjutant General at 21st Army Group HQ, and was replaced as chief of staff by ... Pyman".
Changed as suggested. Strictly speaking they were Dempsey's Brigadier, General Staff; "chief of staff" was a Montgomery change of doctrine. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 4: "assisted heavy bombers" > "assisted by heavy bombers".
Added missing word. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 5: This might mention that Erskine was also dismissed. (I have the D'Este book.)
Yes, he was. Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 2: "which we called his 'whizzer' " ("we" makes it seem like this is from a quote, but there are no quote marks)
- Far East"
- Paragraph 1: "in the far East" > "in the Far East".
Capitalised. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 1: "in the far East" > "in the Far East".
- Post-war career:
- Paragraph 1: "Although Montgomery wanted Dempsey to succeed him as CIGS." (not a sentence)
Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Paragraph 1: "Although Montgomery wanted Dempsey to succeed him as CIGS." (not a sentence)
- Reputation:
- Last quote: "He has remained a showy figure" ("showy" is the opposite of introverted: could this be a typo for "shadowy"?)
Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- Last quote: "He has remained a showy figure" ("showy" is the opposite of introverted: could this be a typo for "shadowy"?)
- Overall:
- There is no explanation for his nickname Bimbo. Do any sources mention this?
- D'Este, Pyman and Rostron all say what I've said in footnote a: he was embarrassed by it, and never talked about it. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- There is no explanation for his nickname Bimbo. Do any sources mention this?
All points addressed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:46, 18 September 2021 (UTC)
- I checked. It's all there. GA. Splendid article. Djmaschek (talk) 03:01, 19 September 2021 (UTC)
GA Notice
GA Notice |
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Hello, I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know I am glad to be reviewing the article Miles Dempsey in which you've been a major contributor, and has been nominated for GA-status according to the criteria. This process may take up to 7 days. Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments you might have during this period. Djmaschek (talk) 21:40, 17 September 2021 (UTC) |
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